


Broken Pieces

by KrisserCI5



Category: The Professionals
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-10-04
Updated: 2007-10-04
Packaged: 2017-12-25 15:49:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/954927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrisserCI5/pseuds/KrisserCI5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Can a song change Bodie's life?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Pieces

Broken Pieces  
By krisser

 

The guitar player ran his fingers down the last chords of his song, then bent his head in finished relief. The small club's audience burst into applause. He nodded his acknowledgement before he left the stage. 

Jasper, the club owner, met him at the greenroom door. “Bodie, a bloke’s out there to see ya.”

Bodie’s heart beat faster.

“Same one as before. Says he’ll make you famous and rich.”

“Happy here.”

“Fame and fortune awaits you, Bodie, but you stay here, why?”

“Suits me.”

“That’s not an answer and you know it. You’ve always got a place here, you know that, but that’s a lot of money he’s offering.”

“Money isn’t everything.”

Jasper sighed. “You can’t let a broken heart take you out forever.”

Bodie’s blink was all the reaction that Jasper received.

“Okay, okay.” Jasper shook his head, “I’ll tell him you’re not interested, again.” The club owner left Bodie alone. 

Fame didn’t interest Bodie one bit. Too many hidden strings on that path. Money, while useful, wasn’t a big enough motivator. He’d wisecracked about it enough with Ray, but only because it wasn’t important.

Ray –

He still couldn’t keep his thoughts away from Ray.

Bodie knew his ex-partner was doing well, safe as he could be in that work. Deputy Controller in training. He ignored the pain in his heart, knowing that at least Doyle was off the streets.

 

Bodie tried to lose himself in the music as he had many times. He picked up his guitar and strummed a few haunting chords, but he just couldn’t block out Jasper’s words . . . ‘you can’t let a broken heart take you out forever.’

Close to it. That was definitely possible.

Bodie wasn’t sure there was any other way. He didn’t give his heart often, when he did, it was till death. Ray was still with the living. He hoped he stayed that way a long time, far longer than his own life.

So broken he’d stay. It was better that way. He’d told Ray enough times, look after Number One, the credo he should have stuck to.

Bodie let his fingers glide over the strings at will, picking out a sad melody this time. This particular grouping of chords stuck and the words to accompany it came easy.

_Broken pieces of a shattered heart,  
doomed to fracture from the start._

_Broken pieces of a shattered life,  
no hope remains to quell the strife. _

 

He wrote lyrics to avoid direct memories. He was doomed, his sadness found its way into every chord. The referenced memories forced their way to the front and Bodie closed his eyes and sought out Ray's image in his head.

He hoped for happy, snarky or even angry Doyle, but not that last image from the last time he saw his partner. That horrified expression that could have shattered ice was all that played within his memories.

Bodie's anguish was tenfold, as strong today as that day eighteen months ago . . . 

 

Bodie waited outside as Ray entered the doctor's office. Today was the day, he hoped to find out what his true recovery capacity was.

Those first two months had passed fairly easy. Ray hadn't been up to much and Bodie had been there to cater to his every whim. He'd moved them both into a new flat before Ray had been released from hospital. Ray hadn't needed to confront those memories at that time.

Bodie had taken his holiday time, two months worth, to care for Doyle. He'd never told his partner who'd thought that the Cow had been generous. Bodie had wrenched his back about six weeks into Doyle care and again, never let on to his partner. He used that injury to get two more months from the CI5 doctor and Ray had remained blissfully unaware.

Those two months were far more difficult. No one is at their best convalescing, but Ray was one of the worst. He wanted to do it himself but couldn't most of the time. He wouldn't ask for help until he'd exhausted all his resources. Ratty was the nicest word Bodie could think of to describe that time.

It was during that time, Bodie realised, thinking back, that he should have realised his feelings had changed. Oh, he knew he took more crap off Ray than from any other living person, but even then, Ray had topped his own snarky best.

He had taken all that Ray had dished up without resentment. That should have alerted all the self-safety beacons, but alas, he'd missed the signs. Now, he was bursting with the news and he wasn't sure it would ever be welcome.

He got up and paced the waiting room. He wished he could hear what was being said. Ray needed back on the squad. Ray needed to be back at his regular life. Then, maybe he could let these unwanted emotions sink back from where they came.

One just did not covet one's partner's heart, that recently bullet torn and ravaged heart, in love. Oh, not brotherly love, but the love poets ramble on about. The kind that hits and leaves one overjoyed or forsaken. Bodie was almost sure which path his was sure to take.

His thoughts were interrupted by the office door being thrown open. A man who looked surprisingly similar to his partner stormed out and thundered across the waiting room. He left the inner office without a look back. The doctor's disappointed expression told Bodie more than enough and he followed his partner out. 

 

Bodie froze his memories there. If only he could forget what followed. He couldn't undo it, but if only he could forget . . . 

 

Ray had been crushed. He'd never be an A squad field agent again. That part of his life was over.

Bodie walled off his own disappointment to focus solely on Ray. "Thought you weren't sure you even liked the job anymore."

"When it was my choice, not invalided out!" Doyle yelled back at his partner.

"The Cow has too much invested in you. You've knowledge that it'd take years to teach another. Cow's not going to let you go."

"The B squad's not for me, mate."

"What B squad? Always said he was grooming you for his position." Bodie tried to console his partner and head off the blow-up on the horizon.

"Only gimps need apply." Doyle looked anything but consoled as he growled at Bodie. "That's it, my life is as good as over."

Bodie lost his temper in remembered fear. "For chrissake, you're alive. You don't know what it was like seeing you lying on the floor. Blood all over, pouring out of you. Bloody hell, Doyle, you're alive."

"You stand there, healthy, a field agent by choice; a perfect physique, all parts working. My knife-cut chest will never be without scars. Should scare the birds right off. Or those willing to endure the mutilation will want to mother me, not let me fuck them. What bird will love this?" Doyle raged as he tore open his shirt, buttons flying in all directions.

Emotional adrenaline coursed through Bodie's body. Images of Doyle's dying body warred with the whining laments of the living person and they pushed Bodie past all his safety barriers.

"You dumb crud, you are loved for just the man you are. No pleasantries expected, just the snarky but treasured man. Don't let this disappointment . . ."

Ray interrupted, "Who are you talking about, me mum?"

"Me. I love you."

"You're my mate."

"No, the forsake all others kind of love."

The look of horror that graced Doyle's face, that last image played as clearly now as it did then.

Doyle's last words played with as much ice now as they did then as well. "Guess you were right, there is a silver lining in everything. I won't have to have you as a partner anymore." Doyle walked out the door and Bodie left his life.

The song lyrics were fuelled by pain that was as intense today as it was that day, eighteen months ago.

\-----------

Jasper watched his long-time mate. Friendship forged under the hot African sun. Both young blokes, still possessing that innocent idealism that was completely massacred before they parted. 

Jasper had made his way out of Africa and the mercenary way of life, but mercs mates were either mates or enemies for life. Bodie had been, and still was, a mate. Eighteen months ago he showed up out of the blue and needed a gig. He signed him up for as long as he wanted to play. Business had never been better.

That it did Jasper good helped Bodie bury himself in the Liverpudlian club. His existence wasn't much, but it got him through each day. He ran, he ate, he slept, he played. Bodie had accounts unknown to Cowley and those were the only ones he tapped into now. He stayed under the radar. He could have made it easier but he wasn't yet ready to leave England.

He caught Jasper's movement and joined him in getting the club open for another evening.

\-------------

_Declared with care,_  
but still I lost.  
Only know  
I count the cost. 

_You turned away,_  
I stood bereft.  
Memories now  
are all that’s left. 

 

"He sounds so sad," the girl told her friends.

"You want to offer yourself to him?" another asked.

"If I thought I could get past him." She pointed to the club owner who guarded the singer's door each night.

"I see your point."

Jasper swallowed his smile as he overheard the conversation and wished that all felt as intimidated. He watched as the would-be promoter approached once again.

"No, he's not available," Jasper stated to head off the oft-asked question.

"That voice could have you on the map and all of us rolling in cash."

"He's not interested, I told ya."

"You're not telling him right. Who's opposed to being rich?"

"He understands quite well. He's not interested and you're not listening. I've been polite. I won't be any longer. Leave him alone." Gone was the accommodating owner, in his place was the African merc.

"Not till I hear him say it."

Bodie stepped out of the shadows. In a voice used to projecting menace, he stated quite clearly, "I am not interested. For some, money isn't everything. Good-bye." Bodie's tone dismissed better than Cowley could have. Bodie disappeared once more.

Jasper made sure the would-be promoter left before he searched out the singer. He figured that someone had broken his heart but good. Bird or bloke, could go either way with Bodie, but whoever it was, sure did it good.

"Mate, no matter what the arsehole implied the club is doing great for my needs. Just the way I want. You're not the only one that likes staying under the radar."

Bodie nodded. Jasper was a good mate.

\-------

Too much Doyle, too many memories; Bodie couldn't keep the vision of Doyle out of his head. His heart wanted him, his body craved him.

He missed seeing Doyle, missed the curls and green eyes. Missed the lanky body with a bum to die for. The skintight jeans that moulded and displayed every facet of his lower body had fuelled more fantasies than Mayfair.

He wanted a fantasy Doyle now, needed one, to dispel the truth of his last encounter. A Doyle who would smile and flaunt what he had. Tease just enough with a slouched pose against any surface. A Doyle who wanted him.

He'd run his hands down the body, cupping the bulging hardness with the greatest of appreciation. Bodie stroked himself as his mind's image of Doyle took hold. He caressed the body of his dream Doyle as his hands mirrored the actions on his own body. He squeezed his prick tightly imagining it tucked tightly between Doyle's perfectly formed cheeks. Just the thought of touching with but a single finger in his tight opening put him over the edge. The image vanished abruptly and Bodie found himself alone with his semen-cover belly. He wiped it off roughly and flopped over quickly. He wanted to ignore how alone he'd come to feel. 

\-------

"Bloody hell, Bodie," Jasper yelled as Bodie entered the club a couple of hours before opening.

"Where's the fire?"

"Shut up and listen," Jasper cranked up the radio volume dial.

 

_The empty years_  
before me loom.  
My heart is vacant,  
without room. 

_I hear your voice_  
all the time.  
crushed to know,  
it's but in my mind. 

_Broken pieces of a shattered heart,  
doomed to fracture from the start._

 

"That damn fucker. Which illegal station is that?" 

Jasper already had the station number jotted by the phone. The song had been playing all day.

Bodie dialled with force and asked for the station manager.

"That is an illegally obtained recording. As the singer and writer, I demand you cease playing it immediately or I will use all legal and illegal methods to make sure it happens."

The station manager located the offending cassette and could see that it was indeed a homemade tape. "You won't hear it from this station. Consider it destroyed." 

"Thank you. However, don't destroy it. Put it in a bag and I will pick it up tomorrow. I have means to find out who made it and I will have him prosecuted." Or something else, Bodie thought to himself.

\---------------

Jasper knocked on Bodie's door. It really wasn't Bodie's door, just the greenroom, but Bodie used on the nights he played. He knocked again.

"Just come in, Jasper," Bodie called out.

The club owner opened the door. "There's a man out there . . ."

"I'll break his neck," Bodie jumped up to confront the psuedo-promoter.

Jasper blocked the door with his arm. "Not him. Different guy."

Bodie halted in his tracks, his heart raced double time. "What's he look like?"

"Curly hair."

Bodie's heart stopped then started up at triple time. "Show him back here. I can't avoid this one, might as well get it over."

Bodie wasn't sure what he expected, but the gripping pain in his chest, and of his heart wasn't it. There had been a chance he could heal, now that hope was gone as well. Doyle in the flesh was unforgettable.

He looked healthy, he looked gorgeous, a sight for sore eyes. Offence was always best with Doyle.

"What are you doing here? Already know what you have to say. Consider it said."

"Not going to happen that way, Bodie." Doyle's voice was not argumentative.

Bodie tried a different track. "Let's just keep the good memories. Let's not rehash that last day." 

"Made me rethink my life, it did." 

Confused, Bodie's voice sounded normal. "What did?"

"All of it."

"The shooting?"

"Yes, that and your words."

Bodie's head gave a tilted nod to acknowledge the truth of his words, but no other emotion was evident on his face or his body.

Doyle was getting no help with whatever he had come to say.

Ray wasn't sure where to start. Bodie hadn't kicked him out or walked away which was well within his right.

"I didn't like being taken out of the game. I had wanted it to be my choice. And then it wasn't. Same day you hit me with eternal love. I was hating fate, my life and you. The last thing I needed was to discover a love only after I'm injured and out. By the time my head was clearer you were long gone."

Doyle stared at Bodie. Bodie stared back. Though, no different than any other time, Doyle gained no information from his ex-partner.

"I looked, but never put CI5 resources to it. I knew you'd be good at disappearing. I was afraid to learn you'd left the country. This way there was hope. Couldn't believe I'd heard your voice on the radio. Called the station, but was told the song had already been pulled by the singer. Was a bootleg copy to begin with. Got the copy from the station with my CI5 ID. At least, then, I had an area to start with. Studied the tape and knew it had to have been done in a club. Started visiting everyone."

"So you found me. So what?"

"Your absence, your words, made me rethink what was important. You, Bodie, are important." Doyle looked around the empty club, no interruptions to be found. He moved from the doorway to a chair seated closer to the table Bodie sat at and sat down himself. "Bodie, I want a relationship with you."

"What kind?"

"All kinds, mates and sex."

"I'm not some one-off for curiosity."

"I'm not looking for a one-off – I'm looking for a forsaking all others type of relationship with the most important person in my life, in my heart." Doyle bared all in hope of reaching Bodie.

"Bit sudden." Not daring to believe that the ache of his heart could be cured. 

"Loved you long before the shooting, just didn't recognise it. Don't know if I would have twigged if you hadn't left, thick like that."

"So you've decided you're switching teams?"

"I'm flexible, but not for a pub crawl hunting blokes. I just want you. All the ways my imagination has tried and hopefully, some I haven't thought of. In case I haven't made it obvious, I discovered that I love you. I am in love with you." Doyle put it all on the table in hopes of reaching Bodie.

Bodie released a breath he'd been holding for over eighteen months. Partners once again, but this time it was a partnership on all levels. Bodie reached out and grasped Ray's hand. The present was okay, but the future was still in doubt. Bodie was unwilling to disengage his protective barrier until he knew that as well.

He compromised, he started this conversation. "Not going back. Couldn't take the worry."

"I couldn't either." Ray Doyle smiled, life was finally going to work out. "I was thinking of doing bike repair. You can continue to play the club and we will have time to live. Together. Murphy will be a better controller-in-training. Besides, he wants the job, I don't."

"You've really thought about it." Bodie said, wondering just when he had entered Oz.

"Yeah, Bodie, I have."

"Always have liked the way your mind worked. Won't stop now."

Bodie reached across the table and kissed the lips he'd paid homage to in his dreams. Reality was a whole lot more tasty.

fini

**Author's Note:**

> Bodie’s song – Broken Pieces  
>  by kmfm 
> 
> Broken pieces of a shattered heart,  
> doomed to fracture from the start.
> 
> Broken pieces of a shattered life,  
> no hope remains to quell the strife. 
> 
> Declared with care,  
> but still I lost.  
> Only know  
> I count the cost. 
> 
> You turned away,  
> I stood bereft.  
> Memories now  
> are all that’s left. 
> 
> The empty years  
>  before me loom.  
>  My heart is vacant,  
>  without room. 
> 
> I hear your voice  
>  all the time.  
>  crushed to know,  
>  it's but in my mind. 
> 
> Broken pieces of a shattered heart,  
>  doomed to fracture from the start.
> 
> Broken pieces of a shattered life,  
>  no hope remains to quell the strife. 
> 
> 2007


End file.
